Episode: 213

Original Air Date: 1/7/01

I had just found it when Mrs. Griffin came out of nowhere and grabbed me. She wouldn't let go of my hair, so I pushed her (I know, I know, I pushed an old lady). I was just trying to get away -- I didn't mean to hurt her, I swear. But I sort of broke her arm.

Mom gave me this huge lecture and then made me promise to go over to Mrs. Griffin's house every day after school to help her until her arm got better. The first time I went, I hoped that deep down, Mrs. Griffin was just a sweet old lady who needed some company. Boy, was I wrong. She was a horrible racist who kept calling me names while I rearranged all the junk in her house. As if that wasn't bad enough, the fan blew open her robe and I saw, well, the unspeakable. It was totally traumatic and there was no way I was going back…until Mom made me.

While I was rubbing lotion on Mrs. Griffin's crusty corns and listening to her drunken rant, I snapped. I told her how much I hated her and how gross her feet were, but she passed out. I guess alcohol and prescription drugs don't mix. I did what any responsible kid would do…I called the Krelboynes. Once we determined that she was still alive, but would be unconscious for a while, we decided to have some fun.

Fun only lasts so long when you're stuck in an old lady's house…so we did something really stupid. We stole (more like borrowed) Mrs. Griffin's car. It was really great, until Mom drove by and saw me behind the wheel. By the time I got back to Mrs. Griffin's, I was in a total panic. I thought for sure I was dead. But when Mom showed up, an amazing thing happened. Mrs. Griffin covered for me and said I was driving her to the hospital. Mom couldn't believe it, and neither could I. That's when Mrs. Griffin mentioned that I'd also volunteered to drop by before AND after school every day, just in case something else happened. It made me wish I'd taken Mom's punishment instead. We don't call her mean old Mrs. Griffin for nothing.